Patric Pförtner, M.Sc. Psychologist

3 Min. Lesezeit · 6. May 2024

It stings, doesn't it? You share something personal, hoping for understanding, but the response feels cold and dismissive. Maybe you even wonder:

• Why don't you care about my feelings?
• What do you call someone who has no regard for others?
• Is lack of empathy a mental illness?

In psychology, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others is called empathy. People with empathy deficits struggle to recognize or understand the emotions of those around them.

This can lead to a variety of social difficulties and misunderstandings.

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Anyhow, the lack of concern for others' emotions can be incredibly frustrating.

Today, we'll delve into the world of empathy deficits, exploring what they are, why they happen, and how to navigate them.

Why people struggle with empathy?

Sometimes, people struggle with empathy. This can manifest in different ways:

• Emotional Blindness: They might not pick up on nonverbal cues like facial expressions or body language.
• Self-Centeredness: Their focus is primarily on their own needs and feelings.
• Difficulty Understanding Complex Emotions: They might struggle to grasp emotions beyond basic happiness or sadness.

What Causes Empathy Deficits?

The reasons for an empathy deficit can vary:

• Psychology: Certain conditions like Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) can be characterized by a lack of empathy.
• Upbringing: Emotional neglect in childhood can hinder the development of empathy.
• Neurology: Some neurological conditions can affect a person's ability to process emotions.
• Culture: Cultural norms can influence how emotions are expressed and interpreted.

It's important to remember that a lack of empathy doesn't always signal a diagnosable disorder.

How to talk with someone who lacks empathy?

If you're dealing with someone who struggles with empathy, here are some ways to foster connection:

• Clear Communication: Express your needs and feelings directly, using "I" statements.
• Patience and Empathy (Yes, for Them!): Remember, they might not be intentionally hurtful. Offering understanding can open doors to communication.
• Set Boundaries: It's okay to say "no" and protect yourself from emotional neglect.
• Seek Support: A therapist can offer guidance for both you and the person you care about.

Clear Communication: Using "I" Statements

Here are some examples of how to express your needs and feelings directly using "I" statements:

• Instead of: "You never listen to me!" (Accusatory)
• Try: "I feel unheard when you interrupt me while I'm speaking. Can we give each other a chance to finish before responding?" (Focuses on your feelings and proposes a solution)
• Instead of: "You're always so inconsiderate!" (Blaming)
• Try: "I feel hurt when you make plans with friends without asking if I'm free. It would mean a lot to me if we could include each other in our planning process." (Expresses your feelings and suggests a change)

Setting Boundaries: Saying "No" and Protecting Yourself

Setting boundaries is about protecting your emotional well-being and ensuring you're not taken advantage of. Here's how to say "no" and establish boundaries:

• Scenario: Your friend constantly vents about their problems but never cares when you need support.
• Setting a Boundary: "I care about you and want to be there for you, but lately, our conversations have been one-sided. I need to feel supported too. Would you be open to taking turns listening to each other's problems?" (Direct but respectful)
• Scenario: A family member consistently asks you to drop everything and help them with errands or chores.
• Setting a Boundary: "I love helping out when I can, but I also have my own commitments. Can we schedule a specific time each week for errands, so I can plan accordingly?" (Clear communication and offering an alternative)

Remember, setting boundaries doesn't mean being cold or uncaring. It's about self-respect and creating a healthier dynamic in your relationship.